MIAMI BEACH—Just before daybreak, I found myself sucked into a large sectional between a terrifying, bald, Persian cat and a kindly brown wiener dog, desperately trying to claw my way out of a k-hole. 

I was in Miami for Art Basel, the annual art lollapalooza that had emerged as the year’s most important gathering of the NFT/digital art world. The sprawling weekend event typically packed Magic City with a Whitman’s Sampler of high rollers, dilettantes, models, rent boys and girls, billionaires, grifters, fishheads and, of course, degenerates. And now that we were well and truly post plague, the crazy was working overtime.

Why I was in this particular apartment was a bit murkier. I appeared to be in the penthouse of a lovely couple who, at some point earlier in my tequila-soda-soaked 12-hour marathon, had invited me over. 

When I had arrived, before life got profoundly out of control, the first thing I noticed was their Christmas tree. It was nestled cozily in the corner of the penthouse, the high-vaulted ceilings making it look much smaller than it was.

It was festooned with ball gags, thongs, and stick figures contorted into various sexual positions. 

“You should give us a pair of your panties for the tree,” the woman host suggested to a woman sitting nearby.

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Author: Reza Jafery

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